Utrecht, the city of wow

A friend in Leiden, an ancient city often considered a rival of Utrecht, sent me the link to an article that gave insight to life in selected cities in the top five “happiest” countries. Netherlands was number four, after Denmark, Norway and Switzerland.

In reading about Utrecht, I was reminded of the reaction of a guitarist friend who came back to visit some thirty years later. As we cycled on the cobbled-stoned streets of this fairy tale-like city, he told vivid stories of his previous visit with much fondness and nostalgia. Upon arriving at Utrecht Conservatory, we parked and turned to the towering Dome straight ahead. His eyes widened, jaws dropped, and mouth opened to a stendhalismo.

I have seen that expression of wow many times before. Every guest who came to stay with us and every friend who came to visit had that same expression: “Wow! This is like being in a movie! It seems so unreal. You’re so lucky to live here.”

Indeed, when I tell my students in “Introduction to Music Literature” about fortepianos that were built in Utrecht or musicians who performed in Utrecht (Mozart, the Schumanns, Brahms, to name a few), I find it hard to believe that I had once lived there as a musician.

1909 New York Steinway Grand Piano for Sale

1909 New York Steinway Grand Piano for Sale

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A deep clean for a future possibility

Tonight I sit in a pristine environment. The floor actually shines. Every corner of this one-bedroom cottage has been vacuumed, sucked dry of any remains or residue of vermin. Every surface has been thoroughly wiped. The window screens were earlier taken off, hosed down, dried, while their respective glass panes were cleaned and polished.

My home feels like a five-star hotel after four hours of deep clean. I have the entire weekend to enjoy it.

Shiny floors and clean windows

Shiny floors and clean windows

I first entertained the idea of a deep clean when I met a professional cleaner over a year ago. The place I had chosen in Kahului was deceptively “okay” upon inspection but tediously dirty after I moved in. No matter how much I scrubbed, fine black sand would find its way into the ground floor two-bedroom house I called my “annexe.” The cleaner from Kihei came for a visit and determined that it needed a “deep clean.”

After several attempts and misses, I gave up trying to arrange an appointment. It was not meant to be. I lived in what I called the “Calcutta of Maui.” I could not change the neighborhood of caged pit bulls, stray cats who fought at night, or the black dust sand that entered under the doors. On a typical hot sunny day, the smell of previous evening’s cat fight would permeate through the open windows and coat itself like slick oil on the oddly shaped interior. The only saving grace was that I could move after the six month lease.

Out of the gutter, I moved uphill to a location with a breathtaking view of the Pacific Ocean. My new place in Wailuku had been regularly cleaned by the previous tenant and the green lawn mowed by her boyfriend. All windows and screens were freshly cleaned for my arrival.

Although it’s much easier to maintain than my previous home, I still had to spend an entire morning on such chores. Every week I would sweep the floors. Every other week I would sweep, mop, and wipe. But I never touched the windows or the corners.

One year and 3 months later, I got my “deep clean” fix. Referred by a colleague, a slender young woman showed up at my gate with a bucket of cleaning liquids and tools and her vacuum cleaner. She was leaving her job, her relationship, her home, and looking for her next step. Cleaning brought immediate cash income. It was a temporary gig until she “found” herself.

Through short conversations here and there, I started thinking about the transient nature of people who come to Maui. Many, no doubt, had come to stay. But the paradoxes of paradise soon revealed themselves. Work is hard to find for those with a bachelor’s degree, and even scarcer for those with more advanced degrees.

The young woman could build up her cleaning gigs until she achieves a reliable income to afford time for her art. And then she could hire someone else to do the actual work so she could spend time on her art and managing her cleaning business. Eventually she could sell her business but keep her clients for her art work. After all, on Maui, business is done with people you know.

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World map duvet

This morning I “inserted” my Chinese silk duvet into the 100% cotton world map duvet cover that my brother gave me years ago. I had nearly forgotten what seeing and sleeping under a world map did for me.

World map duvet cover

World map duvet cover

For many years, it was the shining light at the end of the dark and narrow tunnel of my PhD, which stood for “piled higher and deeper.” I didn’t know when it would end but knew that if I didn’t finish and get that degree, all would be for naught. I would not be able to say “I got my PhD” but only say “I’ve completed the work required for a PhD.” The map kept me going. After I obtained my doctorate, I flew around the world to Houston. From there, I attended conferences in Atlanta, Boston, San Diego, Mexico, Washington, DC — I’ve lost track.

Later in the Netherlands, as a struggling musician in a cold and windy country where I didn’t speak the language well, I experienced cloudy bouts of hopelessness. Where was the conservatory education leading to? What happened to me? The world map duvet cover reminded me there was more to life than my present struggles. And I did eventually travel as a performing musician – to London, Belgium, Spain, Italy, Denmark, and even America.

So it’s timely that I take out this world map duvet cover, after several years of storage in the closet. Although I live in tropical paradise, the Hawaiian islands are also considered the most isolated land mass on earth, 5 hour flight to the nearest “mainland” USA and 7 to 8 hours to Tokyo. I can’t just jump on a plane and go away for a long weekend, unless it’s island hopping. This is not Europe. I shouldn’t complain, but I must not forget my dream.

I want to visit every country before I die.

I have a wanderlust. I cannot rest from travel. Find me a job that pays me to travel.

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Creating

On the first day of a 5-consecutive day writing workshop, I learned to view writing as a process, not a product. To get started, we did free writing, which is a form of pre-writing to warm up. On a blank sheet of paper, we simply start writing and keep writing until a certain preset time limit is met. Today we were given 30 minutes and an optional prompt — to start with the words “This morning.”

After a few minutes, I forgot what was occupying my mind. I got into the flow of writing. When the teacher called out the remaining minutes — 10, and then —- 5, I noticed that I was reluctant to stop. I had gotten into the momentum of writing.

In another exercise, we were each given a small white styrofoam plate with 3 different colored sticks of clay. When asked to create something out of the clay, I immediately set out to use the 3 pieces intact in as little time as possible to create the following object, minus the green arrow.

Clay object from a writing workshop

Clay object from a writing workshop

As I revelled in my work, I found myself becoming very attached to it. When the teacher asked us to remove something, I had trouble “harming” the figure. In contrast, the lady next to me, didn’t care. She did not agonize over what to get rid of. She was detached.

The more I looked at my object, the more I fell in love with it, and the less I was able to change it. We were then asked to walk around the room and comment on other people’s work. Only then did I realize that my object was not the most unique or most artistic. This process humbled me.

Moral of the story?

You need to get out of yourself and your situation to see what else is out there. Creating and writing are forms of self-expression. It’s just as important to see other possibilities as being able to express your own.

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Feedback

Feedback is something that allows us to adjust to how others see us. Depending on whom you ask, you will get different answers.

When I ask my sister what I’m good at, she says simply, “selling.”  I disagree. I can be engaging. I have promoted electric vehicles as enthusiastically as I have promoted concerts, but that’s not “selling.”

So what am I good at?

I will use this page to document the feedback I have received over the years. Perhaps some of my friends, colleagues, and readers would care to LEAVE A REPLY below.


It seems to me that you have found a position that takes advantage of your unique skills: the ability to understand a new subject quickly and the interest in talking to people about their specialties. I have been amazed by how well you have tackled such diverse subjects and made it understandable.

Risk manager, Oregon-based energy trading company


Thank you so much for performing at the Mayor’s Charity fundraiser on the 19th of December 2003. I was so grateful that you were able to attend at such short notice and entertain us for most of the evening.

I believe an enjoyable evening was had by all; I hope that you managed to enjoy the evening in between performances. I also received many compliments on the choice of entertainment chosen to accompany dinner and hope that you received such compliments on the night too.

I am pleased to announce that I have now raised just over £20,000 for my chosen charities; I thank you for your invaluable support.

The Mayor of Ealing, 23 December 2003

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Reinventing myself

About half a year ago my website anneku.com got hacked. My e-mail address stopped working. My webhost stopped hosting the contents of my site to prevent further attacks to the server. My identity was erased from cyberspace.

It echoed a certain deja vu of Tuesday 11 September 2001. I could have disappeared from the top floor where a risk management conference was taking place. Instead, I watched the twin towers crumble and vanish from our staff meeting room above Penn Station. That week in Manhattan, amidst the uncertainty and chaos, changed the way I viewed life.

Today I decided to rebuild my site on wordpress, just as I try to declutter and simplify my existence in the physical world. In parallel, I must choose what to keep, what to give away, what to throw away, and what to sell.

In reinventing myself for the nth time, I ask the same questions: what is important to me? what have I done? what am I good at? what do I want to do?

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